I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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