Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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