watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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