I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize