Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
