I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
