...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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