Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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