the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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