She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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