you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize