it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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