Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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