my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
