You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
