I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
