I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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