Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
