She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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