Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
