If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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