Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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