Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
