I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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