Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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