Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
