when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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