textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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