Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
