I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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