If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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