best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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