i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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