i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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