happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You need a sexual gate keeper
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
