Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
