My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
