Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
MIDGETS
????
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize