just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
