At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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