does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
