i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
