ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
