Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
