What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
