No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
