why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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