He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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