Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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