so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
