He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
pray to the hookup gods
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
