Im at strip club and am horny
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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