Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
