My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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