Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
