i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
