and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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