That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
