I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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