Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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