You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
