someone owes me an orgasm
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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