I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
