Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
