i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
