Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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