Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
