Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
